White roses

Antonia couldn't stop crying. The instant she felt the warmth in her sister hug it was impossible for her to restrain much longer the sorrow, the pain, the anger that had consumed her in crude silence for months. She had deprived that longer to express her emotions so her little daughter wouldn't discover the anguish surrounding her innocent world. However, her sister was straight and clear by showing her the truth.

'You're daughter knows what's going on since it started... haven't you notice her attitude change?'

The words of Daniela left her speechless. Surely Antonia knew of the changes in her daughter Claudia, but it was something she refused to accept, just like she refused to admit Tomas was cheating on her after five years of marriage. Her little brown eyes only opened to reality when it was impossible denying it.

'You were right about him,' cried Antonia. 'You were always right and I was too stubborn to see it.'

'Sis, don't think about that now. You can't change that, but you can move forward.''I don't know what to do...'

The creak of the door interrupted her. Claudia -her daughter- entered the room, carrying in her tiny hands her mother's cell phone, who rushed to dry her tears to prevent being seen crying by the girl. To gave her some time, Daniela took her niece in her arms while the phone kept ringing melodiously. One gaze to the screen was enough to Daniela to smile, something inexplicable to Antonia.

'You should answer that call, sister.'

'Mommy, answer the cell phone,' said the girl with an unusual loquacity for a three years old.

'Answer it, quick. It won't ring forever.'

Antonia rushed to leave the room so she could talk more quietly, but only after she kissed her daughter and look at her sister's eyes to find out why she still had a smile in her face. She answered the call while walking across the corridor and her face changed completely when she heared the voice talking softly through the phone, making her experiment a variety of emotions she had not felt in a long time.

For several minutes she walked in circles on the small balcony, alternating between crying and laughter. For so long she hadn't felt so comfortable talking to someone, not even her older sister. After hanging up the phone she took a moment to smile one more time, still surprised for what happened and thinking about the day she'd meet the man on the other side of the phone. Daniela was expecting her when she entered the room again.

'Something to tell me, sis?'

'You planned this, Daniela,' said Antonia still smiling.

'As much as planning, no... but I had something to do with it...'

Antonia sat to play with her child. It had been long since the last time she had done it, so first she felt like a strange; nevertheless, the love expressed by her daughter was enough reason to stay with her instead of walking away in silence as it had been usual, taking with her all the sorrow in a futil attemp to not hurt the child.

A lonely tear fell across her pale, freckled face, but there wasn't on her signs of the terrible pain that had invaded her hours before. Her eyes found her daughter's, so alike her own, so bright as hers when she met the man who had called. It was then that she began wandering about her daughter's feelings when facing the things happening, how would she feel if it comes a time to see her mother with a man who wasn't Tomas, her father. She didn't want her daughter blaming her for the divorce, because though Tomas was the one responsible for it, she was the one suffering the doubts. The joy that made her smile seemed to fade.

'Mom? What's wrong?'

'I was about to ask the same,' added Daniela, who entered the room carrying a tray with milk and cookies. 'Antonia, you are not having second thoughts, right?'

'I don't know... I don't know what to think...'

Without noticing it Antonia got up to help her sister. Her mind was still trapped in the countless questions that dating someone after her divorce created. After all, there had been years since the last time she went out with other man than Tomas and it was precisely with the man she would meet in less than a week. His memory had remained all those years, because she evoked his love or because Daniela never doubted in remembering him when she wanted to show Antonia that there were much better options that Tomas' cold attitude with her little sister.

'Alonso,' she whispered while falling asleep. 'See you soon, Alonso.'

*******

'Daniela Andrade, it is always a pleasure when you come by. How have you been?'

'A little worried,' said the young woman while lighting a cigarette. 'And I haven't been able to smoke peacefully for weeks.'

'What's on your mind, my friend?' asked him, trying to keep a casual tone.

'Alonso,' replied a more grave Daniela, 'I must be honest with you. I've come to talk about Antonia.'

The only mention of his friend's sister brought a lot of memories to Alonso's mind. Even though he met Daniela once or twice a month, Antonia's life hadn't been part of their usual conversations since the news of her marriage with Tomas. The fact that after five years she talked again of her sister was -at least- unexpected and unusual, so the face of the young man took a severe aspect unseen in him. After preparing some coffee, his green eyes met his friend gaze in search for answers.

'Daniela... you know I'm very fond of you,' he said breaking a long silence. 'We know each other for almost twenty years and there haven't been secrets between us. But it's very peculiar that you mention your sister after all this years...'

'Alonso,' interrupted the young woman, 'you have to hear me, it's very important.'

'If you just let me finished,' he replied with calm. 'I know you wouldn't talk to me about her unless it would be affecting you too much and because of that, because I'm your friend, I'm willing to hear you.'

'I'm really grateful...'

'Though,' added Alonso, 'these doesn't mean I'm making any promises.'

Daniela drank a sip of her coffee before she began telling Alonso what happened with her sister's marriage, making clear from the beginning than neither she nor her mother hid their opposition to the relation of Antonia and Tomas. Even at the hospital and days before she died, her mother -Daniela related- didn't stop reminding the youngest sister than she could had married a very different man, a man that would trat her as an equal, a man with education, a man like Alonso.

The young man listen carefuly the words of his friend, making useless attempts to control his emotions over the details smartly picked by Daniela: the opposition to the marriage, the death of her mother, Tomas cheating on Antonia. When she finished there was a new pause only interrupted by the swift sound of the cups when put over a plate after every sip of coffee. Finally, Alonso decided to continue the conversation.

'Tell me, Dani, what do you have in mind?'

'Alonso, you can try but you can lie to me,' answered the woman with unusual arrogance. 'I'm your best friend and I know you still have feelings for my sister. That's why we haven't talk about her for five years, it's because of her that you write stories of unrequited love in your free time, it was because of her that you called me before visiting my mother in the hospital and you missed her funeral.'

'Daniela... I...'

'My dear friend,' she replied taking his hand, 'I understand and so would my mother. Besides, Antonia and me know you are the one responsible for the white roses we find every week on my mother's grave... and that's so much more that Tomas ever did.'

'You still haven't told me what is that you want from me, Daniela.' Alonso's voice reflected a deep emotion. 'Even though you're right, things are different now. She...'

'She's not married anymore,' interrupted the woman again. 'And I also know she have strong feelings for you.'

Once more silence fell between them. After lighting the cigarette she had been playing with for a while, Daniela fixed her gaze on Alonso's eyes, studying his every move. When he rose his face she kept talking.

'Alonso, all I want you to do is let your feelings flow. Since the first time I saw you two together I knew you were perfect for my sister and she...'

'And the girl, Daniela!?' he asked rising his voice. 'What do you think she's going to think, to feel about this!?'

'The worry you show for my niece is enough for me,' answered the woman in complete calm. 'Besides, I have to acknowledge sometimes she seem loke your daughter, though I know she isn't.'

'I'm sorry, but I don't understand.'

'Claudia not only has features and gestures like yours, her personality also reminds us of you,' said Daniela smiling. 'She's so curious, she wants to know everything. She's even learning to read... at three!'

'Yeah, she reminds me of someone...'

'That kind of brains doen't come from the father's side of the family, I assure you... and with time she'll understand, because she'll see her mother happy.'

'There's no point in keep arguing with you,' said Alonso giving up. 'Give me Antonia's phone number...'

They kept talking until nightfall. After the last coffee Alonso walked Daniela to her car, without knowing what to say or what to expect from the phone call he promised to make the next day. He hadn't spoken with Antonia for seven years and hadn't seen her in even more time, though she was still in his head and -no mattered the efforts- in his heart. While the elevator reached his floor he somehow regreted his promise, but the desire to meet her and knowing that she hadn't forgot him were stronger.

Back in his apartment he cleaned up first, and then he seeked in one of his many books refugee from the new troubles threatening his thoughts. However, his gaze was trapped for a moment in the same page while in his mind crawled the memories of the love he and Antonia shared. Finally he got asleep sat in his favorite chair, with the heavy book still in his hands and the image of a frail woman taking care of his dreams.

*******

The days that followed Alonso's call were tagged by an emotion Antonia hadn't felt for years. Every now and then her sister let out some advice, driving away any doubts that could appear and even taking the phone from here a couple of times she wanted to call Alonso and cancel the date. With all those things in mind she chose to pass the week preparing herself, do her hair -something she hadn't done in years- and cheking her clothes in search for the perfect oufit.

The feeling inside her also invaded every corner of her sister's house, something even Claudia felt. The little girl had regained her usual happiness and searched at every moment the company of her mother, which didn't happen since they went to live in her aunt's apartment. The curious questions of her inquisitive nature pointed now to the reason of her mother's deep mood change.

Friday arrived unusually soon. The fear in the proximity of the date hit with strenght on Antonia, who could barely concentrate on her work, her mind dancing between the memory of a love she thought lost seven years before, the expectation of loving again after the failure of her marriage and the questions her daughter could make. Conscious this could happen, Daniela left work early to meet her sister (and her niece) and help her getting ready, even forcing her to try some sexy clothes Antonia hadn't use since before the pregnancy.

'Antonia, please, you have to show yourself,' said Daniela clearly annoyed. 'What's the point in hiding something Alonso already knows?'

'Well, if that's the point maybe I should go out naked,' answered her sister somehow ashamed. 'If I use this clothes he'll think I'm desperated.'

'We are talking about Alonso... he won't think that. So you better show some skin and put on my black jeans.'

'Dani, I really prefer to wear a long skirt,' insisted Antonia. 'I don't want to show my hips.'

'You and your prudence. But you won't feel very comfortable with a skirt,' replied Daniela. 'Alonso drives a motorcycle.'

An hour and a half later Antonia entered Claudia's room to say good night. Daniela throw herself over one of the chairs, tired after running from one room to another to help her sister and take care of her niece. However, with the laughter of the girl she couldn't fell asleep, so she got up and went to her room.

'Mommy, you look pretty,' said the girl.

'You are absolutely right, Claudia,' added Daniela standing by the door. 'It has been long since your mother hasn't look so pretty.'

'Thank you, my little angel,' answered Antonia hugging her daughter. 'Thanks, Dani... for all your help and for taking care of my baby.'

'He's also going to think you look good,' whispered her sister. 'You don't need to behave, OK?'

'Let's get a glass of milk and then you'll go to sleep,' said Antonia taking the girl's hand and still flushed by Daniela's words.

While they walked to the kitchen the doorbell rang. Antonia stood paralized a few feet from the door, unable to move for the excitement of knowing that behind the main door was the first -and she thought maybe the only- mand she loved. Her daughter began to pull her hand, but she didn't reacted. When Daniela was about to open the door, her little sister ran to hide in the kitchen.

'Alonso, good evening,' greeted Daniela with exaggerated parsimony. 'Come on in, Antonia is about to take Claudia to bed.'

*******

Alonso was even more agitated than usual. He felt trapped between the deadline given by his editor and the uncertainty of that night's encounter, the meeting with a lost love and -according to Daniela- the possibilities to recover it. Under any other circunstances he wouldn't doubt in asking the wise advices of his best friend, but this time it was clear that he wouldn't be able to find in her the distance he needed. Knowing he had to face it alone only increased the anguish he had felt the whole week.

The day was passing too fast. Some minutes before seven the young man entered the office of his editor with the promised work, completely exhausted and thinking about calling Antonia to change the plans. But he couldn't do that to her, he couldn't disappoint her even more that she was after what she suffered with her exhusband. Caught by this problems he didn't even notice when the editor served him some coffee and invited him to sit.

'Alonso? Alonso!'

'I'm sorry, Josefina,' he answered while returning to his senses. 'I've been kind of distracted.'

'I have realized that, Alonso,' said the woman worried. 'You had never finished a work over the deadline. I'm surprised.'

'I'm so sorry. I have some worries outside the office.'

'Is there something you want to tell me?' asked her while giving him a candy. 'You know you can trust me.'

'Well... actually...' Alonso wandered if it was prudent to tell his boss but given the absence of Daniela, Josefina was a very plausible option. 'Tonight I'm going out with a girl I was... maybe I still am... in love with.'

'But that shouldn't be some much problem, Alonso,' she replied really worried. 'Instead you should be happy of meeting her.'

'I know, I am... but... she divorced recently,' added her with emotion. 'And she have a daughter. That's been distracting me.'

Josefina's gaze had changed completely. Many times she had wandered why her star journalist seemed so distant from every woman that apeared at the magazine to pick him up. Finding feelings that she thought non-existent in him surprised her. For a minute or so she didn't know what to answer to the man in front of her, almost crying in search for an advice, but she remembered words she had listened once and again before her wedding with an older man.

'Alonso, tell me... do you love her?'

'Yes. Even after all this years I have to say yes.'

'What about her? Do you know what she feels for you?' asked the woman.

'Daniela... her sister... tells me that she haven't forgot me neither'

'Then nothing else must worry you,' said Josefina with all the tender possible. 'Now finish your coffee and take another candy. Then you go home and prepare yourself to show her all the feelings you have hid from her.'

Shocked by his editor's reaction, Alonso obeyed every single one of her words. The moment he put the cup back in the kitchen he walked to his desk to put the notebook, some documents and a camera on his backpack. Instants later he was leaving the magazine with his headphones on, listening to the music Daniela had sent him some days before to help him relax and wishing he wouldn't have troubles in the few blocks he had to walk to get to his aparment.

The city streets were replete with vehicles, thousands of people inside them trying to get to their homes as soon as possible. Some were desperated to get on an already crowded bus, so Alonso was grateful to live near his job. Barely fifteen minutes later he was greeting the doorman of his building and entering a wide elevator with clean mirrors. His reflection was gazing at him worried, but he was sure that after a shower he would feel better.

A few minutes before nine he was leaving his home. Traffic was still messy, but it wasn't difficult to avoid it on his bike and he was sure he could get on time without problems. Surely the driving distracted his mind from the thoughts of his decision, at least in the most crowded streets. However, a few blocks away from his friend's apartment he felt troubled by the questions.

'Daniela, why did you make me do this?' he whispered while turning the engine off.

He arrived ten minutes early, enough time to check the final details of his encounter. As Daniela lived on the third floor he felt like taking the stairs, so he would have more time to think in the most suitable words to use when in front of Antonia again.

As he was so focused on the elaboration of a speech, he couldn't realize that he was already ringing the bell of the apartment. The door opened seconds later and he was caught with no perfect words, no exaggerated details, nothing really romantic for the evening except for his nervous presence and the feelings blosoming once more, just like the autumm afternoon when he finally decided to ask Antonia on a date after months of planning.

'Alonso, good evening,' said Daniela opening the door. 'Come on in, Antonia is about to take Claudia to bed.'

*******

Inside the kitchen Antonia was serving milk to her daughter with an unusual clumsiness. Claudia just watching curiously, surprised that the cup wasn't already in her hands and wandering why her mother was acting so weird. When finally the milk was inside the cup instead than over the kitchen's table, Antonia served it to the girl. Then she breathed deeply and take the todler hand. Hearing Alonso's voice so close -he was talking with Daniela- made her feel even more nervous.

When she finally decided to leave the kitchen, she felt the emerald gaze of Alonso fixed on her as there where no other women in the world, totally hipnotized with her presence. Neither one of them could find words, so the laughter that invaded the place minutes early where gone. Given the surprising silence, Claudia decided to intervene with the most unusual comment.

'You are the mister of the white roses.'

'What did you say, Claudia?' asked her aunt.

'He gave white roses to grandmom before she left,' said the girl.

'And you remember that, Claudia?' insisted Daniela.

'Yes, aunt Dani.'

The girl had been present in one of the many ocassions Alonso visited her grandmother. Worried about the health of the woman, he hadn't noticed the presence of the kid and Daniela had no memories of the moment when it happened. But Claudia did remembered, showing the wit her aunt had spoken about to Alonso the day she visited him in his apartment.

Alonso smiled. He stared at the girl for an instant and then he looked at Antonia again, though she was still gazing at her daughter in shocked. All the doubts she had felt seemed to fade when she saw Claudia and Alonso watching at each other with admiration, she remembering how good he was with her grandmother, he feeling captive with her perspicacity.

'That's right, Claudia,' confessed Alonso bending down to the girl. 'I loved your grandmother very much. I must say I'm surprised with your memory.'

'Claudia,' said Antonia breaking her long silence, 'this is Alonso. He's a friend of your aunt Daniela and he has been leaving the beautiful flowers on the grave of grandmom Andrea.'

'It's for him that you are happy and you dressed nice?' asked the girl leaving everyone shocked once more.

Alonso got up and looked directly at Antonia's eyes. That detail was the last thing he needed to know it wasn't a mistake, and he was sure that the shine in the woman's brown eyes was a reflection of the same emotion he was feeling. Without a thought about the time that had passed, he rose his hand to caress the face of whom had been his girl long ago. Antonia did nothing to stop him.

Claudia finished her milk, left the cup over the table and ran to sit beside her aunt. Daniela was watching the scene speechless, somehow relief at a scene less complicated that she had hoped. When the girl seeked her aunt's lap she regained her senses.

'Mmmm... Antonia, I'll take the girl to bed.'

'What? Oh? Yeah, sure... I'll see you tomorrow, my angel. I leave you with your aunt.'

'Night, mommy,' said the girl. 'Night, Alonso.'

'Good night, Claudia,' he replied. 'It was a peasure to meet you. I hope you sleep well.'

'Bye, kids,' added Daniela taking the girl in her arms. 'Take good care of my little sis, Alonso.'

Daniela faded in the corridor. Antonia and Alonso caught Claudia moving merrily her hand to say goodbye, then looked at each other and left the apartment taking hands. They didn't say a word as they left, they had no need. They never needed that.